What my cat thinks of it.. 

Got a Cat? You're Going to Hell!

Before you read this, you may want to check out this link: Are Cats Appropriate Christian Pets?

This has to be the most hilarious RIDICULOUS supposed-to-be-serious article I've ever seen! Boy I am I gonna have fun with this one...

For one, they wanna talk "medical" i.e. cats have salmonella in thier poo.. ok I have heard of toxoplasmosis in the litter so pregnant women should not change the litter boxes.. Salmonella? Ok.. Christians shouldn't own turtles either. lol

2. What about Christian farmers? My cousin has sheep, and she says anthrax is a common thing found in soil where you raise sheep/cattle. So no cattle or sheep for these Christians either. Here is an excerpt taken directly from my copy of Taber's Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary Edition 19 (Published and copyrighted by F.A. Davis Company, Philadelphia 2001): "People who work with contaminated textiles or animal products usually contract [anthrax] from skin contact with animal hair, hides, or waste." You can also get it by eating contaminated meat (think about that the next time you buy that tender juicy mouth-watering slab of t-bone ROFL, I doubt I will. Double: ROFL).

3. And while we are on the subject of barn animals, chickens can carry lice and spread it to humans, not to mention fleas which can carry diseases (I know we have all heard of the plague). I also hope they have roach motels handy, because roach droppings can cause asthmatic attacks. Not to mention ring worm (which is a parasitic infection which itches really bad) if you walk barefoot where animals go, and it's not a 100% likelyhood you will get ringworm, but a sure possibility.
Cats and dogs however, cannot carry lice, because their fur is too thick for the little nasties to latch onto, and this came from a nurse I work with, an RN, who grew up on her family's farm.

4. Ok, back to the bubonic plague of years and years ago, the well-meaning misinformed Christians killed the cats (because of the whole black-magic satan cat thing), which would have ate the mice and rats, and perhaps at least slowed down plague infections. It would have helped too if those people would have bathed more often, hey my Native American ancestors made their own soap out of animal fat, or was that a tribalistic heathen barbarian thing to do, to get clean? "Ick.. nasty barbarians.. spreading their cleanliness all around with their soap.. ew.. "

5. Cats do kill for fun. Ok. Maybe they got me there on that one.. but some wild birds carry lice.. so they're just cutting back on the lice population ROFL. Besides, occaisionally a cat will bring you bits of dead things it kills as a gift. So perhaps they are the ultimate sacrificers. Christians are no strangers to animal sacrifice. It was common-place to kill the best livestock animal and leave it as an offering. This practice predated Christianity, as our pagan ancestors did the same, basically as a fertility thing. You give the best to God, and God will reward you with bountiful crops/livestock next season. The Celts had an interesting self-sacrifice ritual. A "King" was elected to be the sacrificial king, this king would don the antlers of a stag, and "become" the stag by doing this. He would go into the forest and fight a stag. This act, that some would call sheer stupidity, ensured that his people would be well-fed, healthy, and safe. It was actually quite an honor from what I understand, and anyone would have been considered lucky to have had that honor. Back to the cat-issues..

Cats just love you, and after we give them our love, attention, and buy the food they like, so they just want to say "Hey mom/dad I love you too! Have a bit of bird feet.. it was delicious, not to mention fun! I just want to share my joy with you too!" And people say cats are unaffectionate! BAH!

Cats are self-domesticated, they chose to live within the proximity of human settlements. The Egyptians prized them (and worshipped Goddesses to honor them: Bast and Sehkmet) not only for the mice and rat pest-patrols, but also because they killed poisonous snakes. People have been breeding them for centuries to create specific breeds, and some of these breeds are better to be trained than others, but it can be done. Cats are pretty smart really. I had an aunt whose cat figured out how to open a door by turning the knob to get outside. My cat is very empathic. She knows when I am sad or upset, and quickly comes to my aide snuggling up to me because she wants me to feel better.

Alas, some people have so much paranoia in their systems, they can't seem to find the joy in all of Gods' creatures. (I'm still having trouble with bees and wasps, but only when they get into my personal "proximity" LOL. Bees are quite interesting really, I just don't want them buzzing around ME! Bumblebees would also be quite cute because they are so fuzzy and round.. however.. that stinger.. ick)

I would like to quote this article, and comment in the following:

Godwin, a brother from Sierra Leone, puts it this way: 'I'm so grateful that God's organization is kept clean! It has freed me from the burden of owning a cat and all the spiritual pitfalls and financial commitments that go with it. I hope all the brothers will realize how the Devil subtly uses cats to corrupt and distract us from the disciple-making work.'

Ok.. Do these people not have children? Cleanliness? I can't count the number of times my son has spilled juice or wee'd on the carpet, made a 'confetti party' out of his Trix cereal, and his newest obsession: Drawing On The Walls (thank goodness for the "Magic Eraser"). Financial commitments? Ok.. we don't want to talk how much I spend in diapers, food, clothing etc, and then compare it to the price of a walmart bag of cat food or cat litter, it's a penny in the bottom of my purse compared to the amount a child costs. Cats are usually pretty clean, if you keep their space clean, keep the food bowl full, they're pretty happy. The article also says they "Lick themselves in inappropriate places" HA! Have YOU ever tried giving a cat a BATH? Personally, I'll just let my cat lick away!

One last thing, to use their own words and values: Have they not forgotten that their Satan cannot create life? Only their God has that priveledge?
*shrugs*

Anyhoo.. I guess some people just have too much time on their hands.. I don't know anybody like that though.. *Looks around all suspicious-like, raises index finger to mouth: "SHHHH!"*

Heh.. hope you enjoyed today's edition of the Ridiculous!

Berta! If you find this edition offensive, then you're missing the point.. CATS ARE NICE LITTLE FUZZY CREATURES! So pthhbt! :-P

Tap Water Enemas, No Red Glue, Office Visit Next Week: Hospital Humor

I work as a unit secretary, and a certified nurse aide at a hospital. I do respect patient confidentiality, and this article respects that. However, I would like to make a small mention of doctors and their ridiculous handwriting skills, as they often write the same orders day in and day out, the mentioning of a few specific orders does not endanger patient confidentiality. (end disclaimer)

This is for anyone who has ever had to read a doctor's writing, and as a secretary I have been exposed to their penmanship (or lack thereof). It is not something that can be taught, or learned, only by experience can you begin to understand what they are writing. I have wondered if they have a specific class in med school to learn to write like someone gave a gorilla a ballpoint pen. One specific doctor has had many a secretary at the hospital (and many nurses) wondering WHAT in the world he has written. One night, in particular, an order came across the printer. I looked at it and immediately knew it was that doctor who you can hardly ever read. I studied it for several moments, then I decided I should probably ask the nurse who was taking care of the patient. As I rounded a corner, hunting down the nurse who was standing there with two other nurses, discussing the same order as I had in my hand. They were talking to the doctor about the order. I asked one of the nurses what on earth the order said, and in a most serious and frank tone she said "We think it's Offer Oral Nest Unit" (which I thought was incredibly hilarious). The nurse who was talking to the doctor, got off her phone, and said to the second nurse standing there: "He doesn't know what he wrote either, he said it was a few hours ago, and he can't remember what he writes all the time." That's pretty bad when a doctor doesn't even remember what he wrote.

So I decided to head down to the third floor, where the secretary who has been there for years works, she would know what it said. I trekked the hall searching for her, and then when I found her she looked at it, only for a brief moment. "OH! It just says "Office visit next week"!" Glad to have received my answer, I thanked the secretary, and headed back up to my floor. I chuckled again to myself, wondering what if that did say "Offer Oral Nest Unit" what on earth is that? Where would I get one of these units, what is going to be nesting in your mouth, and does it come with a little perch like a little bird house? Then I laughed because after getting a nest-unit, how would you offer that to a patient? "Here, Mr./Mrs./Ms. So and So, we have this nifty little oral nest unit you can stick in your mouth and in no time you will have lovely little birds using your tongue to raise their young, it even has this cute little perch!"

I told the ER secretary about the order while on break, and what we thought it said, and my ponderings about what an oral nest unit were, and now every time I see her she says "Hey! I'm still looking for that oral nest unit!" I still chuckle at the thought of it.

The very same doctor in question wrote another order, which wasn't as funny as the nest-unit episode, but it still made me chuckle a little. Again, as before, I got the copy of the order on my printer, and this time everything was coming together a little better as I had studied some of his writing just to get a feel for what the way he writes. However, one thing stuck out that I had never seen him write before: "No Red Glue." No red glue? Why on earth would we give a patient red glue? It really looked like "Glue", I know they make different colored glues for school-age children for art projects, but I know we don't have any floating around the unit. Well, I put in the orders I could read into the computer, then promptly went to find the nurse whose patient this order belonged to. She said "Oh, that's just 'no red fluid'!" FLUID! Of course. Sometimes if you tilt your head to one side, and hold the paper away from you at a slight angle, you can read his writing a little better, I'm not kidding! It works! No red fluid made perfect sense, no red jello, no cranberry juice, and certainly no red glue!

I haven't seen any crazy orders for a while, but I'm sure that this won't be the last of the red glue, and the oral nest units; doctors are funny, and sometimes ridiculous, people.

Berta

Condiments, Are They Really Just an Excuse?

Mustard, salsa, cheese, condiments. Do we eat food just to have a favorite condiment? Like tortilla chips are nothing without salsa. I would personally eat salsa if it was acceptable just with a spoon, the same with Louisianna hot sauce, and macaroni wouldn't be very tasty without the cheese.
In the summer I am also quite fond of bacon and tomato sandwiches, with a little mayo. Technically these are all condiments, except for the bread. When I was a kid, I enjoyed a plain mustard sandwich after school. My son loves dill pickles by the handful (Dill only - we tried to give him a sweet pickle once, and he threw it across the room - but he's only a little over 2 years old, so that's ok.).

Perhaps this isn't a really ridiculous topic, but it is a strange ponderment of mine. Perhaps this is why we have cravings, we aren't really craving the food itself per se' just the condiment. How odd indeed. I guess it is: minorly ridiculous..

Berta "DrawingAtStrawsForAGoodTopic" bloggyblog

Wait.. is that a breakfast cereal? - Idea submitted by Sarah (aka: The floss lady)

Colin Powell: former Secretary of State? Bowel Ailment? Or Breakfast Cereal?
Aka: Why do they pronounce his name "Colon" instead of "Collin?"

Thank you Sarah for the submission of this intriguing article idea. I too have wondered, in passing (gas), if this man's name has something to do with a bum (Besides George Bush ROFL). For some reason his name has always reminded me of the old Saturday Night Live "commercials" with the late great Phil Hartman: the "Super Colon Blow" breakfast cereal, guaranteed to make you so regular it hurts. (It will take you 10,000 bowls of Colon Powell to.. eh.. never mind)
However, I can also picture a rather serious doctor entering a hospital room, toting a patients chart, to deliver the bad news "Sir, I'm afraid you have Colon Powell, we will need to operate."

Unfortunately, the pronounciation of his name has made him the butt of many jokes, and why one would pronounce colon out of collin is quite odd indeed, it is, in fact: ridiculous!

Gordon wins the Daytona 500!

Yeah.. big deal.

I would like to discuss a driver that nobody ever talks about. Joe Nemechek! Why Joe Nemechek? Well. He does have kind of a ridiculous name. Not to be offensive, but it would be funny to have that name. Like if you were at the store, if you were Joe, you could say "Hey! We're done! Time to go to the Nemechek-out!" When his pit-crew is doing a routine examination before they start a race, it would be funny if they had a check list: "Seat-belt?" "Check!" - "Tires?" "Check!" - "Steering wheel?" "Check!" - "Neme? (pronounced "Neemah")" "Check!" Yeah.. that'd be pretty cool. I'm sure he also refers to the checkered race flag, as the "Neme-checkered flag", or plays "Nemecheckers" with his kids.

I always have to annoy my brother-in-law (Hi Wayne!) when Nascar is on, especially when Nemechek is somewhere in front of Wayne's favorite driver, Rusty Wallace.
Of course he got his kids to chant: "Nemechek Always Wrecks!" Which isn't very nice for one, and for two, Nemechek does not always wreck. Eventually I get them to start cheering "NEEMAH - CHECK!" because they like to be loud, and I think they like annoying their dad. LOL

My husband got me a Nemechek model car over the holidays, which sits atop my book case. For a joke, we wrapped it up and gave it to Wayne for X-mas. Then my husband wryly said "OH! Sorry that was for Berta!" It was well worth it just to see the look on Wayne's face.

I guess, by default, Nemechek is my "favorite" driver. Not because he drives the Army car, and of course not because he wins alot, but because "Nemechek" is kind of a funny name, which is a ridiculous reason to cheer on a driver. That's what makes this edition of my blog: Ridiculous.
With appologies to Joe Nemechek, and his family, and his kids (who he probably refers to as his little "Nemecheklettes"), and all REAL fans of Nemechek. LOL

Public Toilets! What kind of crap is this?

Public restrooms, what can possibly be ridiculous about them?
Well, aside from the normal "For a good time call.." messages on the sides of the stalls, there are some humorous things I have noticed about them, or rather some of the folks that use them. For one, have you ever noticed someone trying to act like they aren't pooing? You enter the stall, and you notice feet a few stalls down from you. They are very quiet, usually, until you leave, or on the other hand they do a "courtesy flush" as they are dropping their bomb. You may or may not hear it over the noise of the flushing, as if they are trying to hide the "plop and splash" noise. You know that this is what is going on because instead of exiting they continue to sit in their stall, and you hear no noise of clothes being pulled up. Why do I notice this? I guess because you don't usually have something else to do while you are doing your business.
My personal problem with public toilets is the inability to pee when there are others present, and at work, God forbid someone start talking to me. Shy-bladder syndrome probably effects thousands of people, but it is rather annoying especially if you have somewhere you need to be. Normally if nobody is present I try to hurry up the process. This to me is ridiculous! I feel like telling the person at the sink to just leave the water on so I can wee.
I guess on the other hand, at least I am not plagued with the woes of stress incontinence, yet!

The other thing that gets me about public toilets, are those auto-matic flushers with movement sensors. It seems as though they flush at all the wrong times, not when they are supposed to. They flush when you sit down, and when you are done you wave your hands frantically in front of the sensor, praying it will flush, even if all you did was wee.
Finally, what is the thing with those disposable paper machet seat covers? As if they would protect you from something! Sheesh..
The bottom line is: don't drink a lot before you leave the house, always have some of that no-water hand wash gel in your purse, and pray you don't have to poo in the middle of shopping.

--Berta "Tinkle Tinkle Little Star" McBloggersson

The Ridiculous part 1

We've all asked ourselves the question "What is the deal with Airline peanuts?" haven't we?
There are a lot of ridiculous things out there, and this blog is probably one of them.
One such ridiculous thing I have noticed time and time again, is a place in Decatur Illinois. Most people would not give it a second thought, because they're not me. However, a restaurant called Grandma's shares a building with a bar called The Sundowners Lounge.
Why is this ridiculous? Two legitimate businesses sharing a space? Well, I have always pondered that perhaps "Grandma" owns both these establishments. Perhaps in the day, Grandma is a sweet lady who cooks for everyone who enters her eatery, and perhaps, just perhaps, in the night as the sun goes down (i.e. "sundowners disease" commonly known to most nursing home staff as a time when alzheimer patients go "wacky") Grandma isn't so sweet anymore and then she runs Sundowners, that is if she can remember where she parked her car.

I would like to add that I am sure both these places are fine establishments. If you are in Decatur, seek out Grandma's, or the Sundowners Lounge, and discover if I am right, or wrong.
Adult dementia is not a funny thing. However, for the intents and purposes of this article, I have reserved the right of Free Speech.

--Berta "Dude Where's My Car" Blogginator

Twist ties and toys: Ridiculous!

Manufacturers have to come up with ways to annoy the consumer, and I believe there has to be some sort of, dare I say, conspiracy! Maybe not.
However, the last toy I bought my 2 year old had like 25 of these things, and after all that twistage, is tape really necessary to hold in the pieces also?

Here it is, Yule morning, and my son and his cousins are unwrapping thier wonderful presents we spend our hard earned cash on. I think toys should come with coupons to mail in for rebates, just so you can get a little back on your twist-tie adventures. Meanwhile, trying coming up with activities for the screaming children who really want to play with their new toys, as you keep lovingly assuring them "Only another minute and mommy (or daddy) will have this ready for you!" I suppose you could recycle them, but they usually just end up getting missed by the designated trash-picker-upper person, and you find them months later underneath the couch cushions.
How necessary is this? I really don't recall all those ties in my toys when I was a kid. Whose job is it to twist them all? Probably some sweat-shop-orphanage-kid who gets paid in bread crumbs? I'll bet the bread crumbs come from some stale bread, in an open bag they had to take the twist ties off of to use for the toys.
Well, maybe not...

--Berta "Twist n' Shout" Balugalugalugablog